Broken
by montez
Summary: My take on what could happened with Castle just after the season finale-hope you give it a chance.
1. Chapter 1

Broken  
By Montez  
Disclaimer: Sadly I only own the DVD's and I'm not sharing.

_A/N: I know it's been done to death (no pun intended) but I couldn't help to write something. I have a possible longer story in the works, but I'm currently blocked on that one. This one came to me and morphed a little. It's slightly out of character, but to me it's a possibility it could happen, so I went with it. Of course that being said, this is my version of what could happen just after the end of the season finale. Right now it's a one-shot with no plans to continue-I honestly don't know if I could go past this point (that's what is holding me up on my other story). Anyway I hope you give it a chance and enjoy. Thank you-Montez_

His hands were shaking. He could only ever recall a few times in his life where he could remember his hands shaking. The first being at his very first book launch party when someone asked him for his autograph for the first time, he could still remember how shaky his writing looked as he scribbled 'Richard Castle' on the title page of his first ever crime novel. The second time he could remember was when a nurse brought him a pink bundle and placed it in his arms. He had thought he knew what love was, after all he'd loved his mother, he'd loved Meredith, but the moment he looked into the big, bright eyes of his newborn daughter he truly discovered what love was.

It would be many more years before he could recall his hands shaking again. It was the first time he'd fired a gun to save Detective Kate Beckett's life. Rick had rounded the corner in the warehouse to find the detective sprawled out on the floor, her stalker standing over her aiming a gun at her head. He remembered yelling, then raising the gun and shooting. By some divine luck he shot the gun right out of the man's hand allowing Kate the time to get up and take him into custody. In the moments after he looked down at his hands and they were violently shaking as Beckett stepped up to him, placing her steady hand over his, taking the gun from his grasp. The last time he could remember was when he'd opened the back of that van and found himself face to face with a dirty bomb with less than two minutes left on the counter. In those two minutes so much passed between him and Kate without a word being spoken. This was the third time in two days they were staring death in the face and they both believed it was their last, at least until Rick took that last second 'Hail Mary' and reached his shaking hand out jerking all the wires from the device, thus saving them and the city.

But now, as he stared at his shaking hands, they were covered in red. A shade of red that no person could accurately describe, because God knows he's tried over the years in his novel, but staring at it now, he knew there would never be a way of putting into words how this shade of red looked covering his hands. His eyes traveled to what else the red covered, the bright, vivid green of the grass, the dark, midnight-blue of her uniform, the stark, snow-white of her gloves. Yes, everything else could be described but that red.

His mind didn't process what was happening as he watched paramedic's frantically work to save the dying woman's life, as it continued to absently search for the correct adjective to describe the crimson color. He vaguely heard someone shout, 'He's going with her.' feeling someone lead him toward the ambulance that she was being loaded into, he automatically climb into the back of the rig with her. It was then he again noticed the shaking as he reached his stained hand out to take her pale, glove-colored one.

He didn't hear anything the EMT's were saying, truth be told he couldn't hear anything at all, his only focus was on the stark-white face that was partially hidden by a translucent plastic mask, barely a hint of mist coating the inside giving any indication that the beautiful face it was covering belonged to someone still alive. Rick silently prayed that those gorgeous green-eyes would open, that the woman they belonged to would look at him then roll those same eyes as she'd done many, many times over the years when she would catch him staring at her. But they remained closed, her dark hair punctuating the porcelain like paleness of her face.

Before he knew what was happening the doors to the ambulance were pulled open and she was pulled from his grasp, he quickly jumped from the back, needing to stay close, needing to clasp her small hand in his to stop them from shaking. But it was a firm, steady hand that stopped him from following her and guided him to a nearby chair. A muffled 'someone will be out as soon as they can' was heard as that hand too disappeared and he was left again staring at his own shaking, red covered hands.

He had no idea how long he had sat there before a new set of hands encircled him, he looked up into the face of the one person that had shown him what love really was as he met the terrified gaze of his daughter. Rick stood and she encircled his waist as she buried her head against his chest, he could feel her whole body shaking against his as he wrapped his arms around her. Another gentle hand was felt on his shoulder as he raised shell-shocked eyes and saw his mother before him. She placed her other hand to his cheek and he felt himself leaning into it, needing the comfort of her steady, caring hand.

Words finally broke through the numbness of his mind as he opened his eyes to see Javier and Lanie rushing down the hall toward them, their hands clasped in mutual support of one another, Ryan and Jenni following in almost exactly the same fashion, "Do we know anything yet?" Esposito asked as he stopped next to Rick, Alexis still held tight in his arms. All he could do in response was shake his head, for a man who made a living with words; none could make their way past the emotions that were clogging his throat.

Rick watched his mother step away as another person took up the spot in front of him, raising his eyes from the top of his daughter's head, he felt his body stiffen, Alexis reacted by releasing her hold on her father and stepping into the arms of her grandmother. The man before Rick looked broken beyond words, Rick could understand the fear the man carried for his daughter's safety, it was a fear Rick also carried, the only difference now was that Rick's daughter was safely beside him while Jim Beckett's daughter was somewhere behind the allusive silver doors fighting for her life. A life that just days ago Jim had begged Rick to help save.

Rick took in the unimaginable pain-filled expression of the man before him before he felt the man's hands grab his arms and pull him into a hard embrace. Rick's mind could fathom why the man was hugging him, comforting him, when he had let Jim down; he had not been fast enough to save the man's daughter. It was reflex that caused Rick to hug Jim back, his mind noting how the older man's body shook slightly before the man pulled back. "Thank you Rick." Jim whispered. Noting the confused expression on Rick's face Kate's father continued, "You were there for her, you were with her so she wasn't alone, you stayed beside her."

Rick stepped back, shaking his head as he stared at Jim Beckett. How was this man thanking him, he hadn't been fast enough to save the woman they both loved and her father was thanking him, "No…" Rick mumbled as he looked at Jim, "I didn't…I couldn't save her." He whispered as he looked at the people before him; his mother and Alexis, Esposito and Lanie, Ryan and Jenni then his eye's came back to Jim Beckett. Rick felt his world tilt; all these people were in pain, in fear of losing someone important to them, that they loved because he hadn't been quick enough. Rick stepped back again, needing to move, to put some space between himself and everyone else, "No…" he mumbled again as he abruptly turned and quickly made his way down the hallway.

"Dad?" Alexis called out; attempting to follow him, but Martha stopped her.

"He needs some time dear, he'll be back." Martha pulled the teen back to her as she reached out a comforting hand, placing it on Jim Beckett's shoulder. They all watched as Rick disappeared around the corner at the end of the hall.

He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, his stomach churning, his mind clouding as he moved. He couldn't stand there and accept comfort from Kate's father, from his family, his friends, when he had failed them all. What kind of partner was he; he had told Kate he was her partner, that he'd have her back. And even after that terrible fight in her apartment, he knew he would never walk away from her. Yes he had left her apartment, but he would never leave her, no matter how hard she pushed, he loved her. God, he loved her more than anything other than his own daughter. Rick had never loved a woman like he did Kate and it scared him. He had never told her for fear of scaring her off by the simple fact his was Richard Castle, the rich playboy with two ex-wives and countless woman in his wake. That is of course if you believed the hype. Yes Rick had two failed marriages, yes he was rich, but though it may have been slightly true in his past, Rick was no longer the playboy the papers still wanted to make him out to be. He hadn't been for a very long time and it was because of her, because of Kate.

As he thought of her he could feel the adrenaline coursing through his veins, causing his whole body to shake with the excess energy. He stopped and started to pace in place, his mind could not process what he was suppose to do next, he couldn't sit, he couldn't stand, his body cried out to keep moving or he was sure he would explode from the energy it was trying to release. He ran his hands over his face, through his hair, he turned as looked the way he'd come, no he couldn't go back to them, not yet. He turned and looked further down the hall and saw more people, he couldn't deal with people at the moment. Rick turned completely around and his eye's landed on a small room. Pushing the doors open he scanned it and was relieved to see it empty. He was in the room that housed the vending machines and a couple small tables. When the door clicked behind him he leaned against it and allowed his body to slide to the floor, he laid his arms across his knees, lowering his head to lay on them. He needed some time, some quiet time as he took a deep breath. It was then, in the quiet of the small room his mind seemed to come into sharp focus, Kate Beckett had been shot.

"Oh God, Kate…" He whispered as a sob finally made its way past the lump in his throat. His vision blurred as tears filled his eye's, he raised his head and moved his hand to wipe his face, but froze. It was then he again saw the now dried red color on his hands, it was then he saw them start to shake again, it was then his mind finally processed that it was Kate's blood that was now dried on his hands.

Anger welled up inside Rick like he had never known. He pushed himself up and started pacing again. He was angry at the person, all those years ago that had Kate's mother killed, he was angry as Coonan for taunting them with the knowledge of who was behind it only for Kate to have had to kill him before the information was revealed. He was angry at Ragland for waiting all those years before contacting Kate to try and atone for his sins and involvement in Johanna's murder. He was angry at Lockwood for trying to kill Kate because she was getting too close. He was angry at Roy for being the third cop in this whole mess that originally set the chain of events in motion that had brought them all to this point. But mostly he was angry with himself, for poking around where he shouldn't have, for digging at old wounds, exposing them again, thus by setting off the second chain of events that had ultimately brought them here.

Rick's mind went white with rage as he grabbed the closest thing to him and threw it across the room, "Uuuuurrrrggggghhhhh…." a primal cry erupted from deep within his soul as the chair connected with the front of the vending machine, sparks flying as the glass shattered. Rick's rational thought had shut down and the anger had taken over as he grabbed another chair and threw it, it landing near the first as his rampage continued.

The other's had watched Rick leave, each worried about both him and Kate, they each knew if Kate didn't make it that there was a very real possibility that they could loss Rick as well. Jim had taken a seat in the chair Rick had vacated; Martha took the one next to him, Alexis next to her. Lanie and Jenni were sitting together across from them as Ryan and Esposito paced back and forth in the small enclave.

Rick had been gone about fifteen minutes when everyone reacted to a loud noise filtering down the hallway, followed instantly by the crashing of glass. Ryan and Esposito reacted first, taking off down the hallway toward the sound. As they rounded the corner they saw security coming toward them from the other direction. The guard stopped when Ryan put his hand up, recognizing the NYPD uniforms the two officers still had one. Another crash had both men moving cautiously toward the room; glancing in the window they were shocked to see Richard Castle, literally tearing the room apart. They had never known Rick to react like this, they honestly never fathomed the man had that much rage in him, but they also knew how he felt about Kate and knew he was blaming himself for what had happened to her.

"We got to get him under control before we have to arrest him." Esposito said as another crash came from the room. A noise just up the hall brought their attention back to the direction they'd come, looking up they saw Martha and Alexis watching them, the other's just behind. "Lanie, keep them back." Javier called out. They all jumped slightly as another crash came from the room.

Alexis made a step forward, "Is it dad?" her worried, scared voice not lost on the two men. They were both positive the teen had never seen her father like this and hoped they could get him under control enough to where she wouldn't.

"Alexis, stay back." Ryan said as Martha finally picked up on what was happening.

"They'll take care of your father." Martha took a hold of Alexis's arm as the teen tried to move again.

"DAD!" She shouted out, fear gripping her as the crashing sounds continued in the room.

Lanie finally came forward and took the teen's other arm. "They've got him, baby, let them work first."

Seeing that the others weren't coming any closer the two detectives looked at each other. Esposito looked back in the window as Rick continued to rage, his back to the door. "I'll grab him first, but I think it's gonna take both of us to get him down, let's just hope the two of us can do it." They both knew Rick had a couple inches on them, as well as a few pounds, normally one of them could have probably taken a person the writers size, but with the anger that was emanating from the man in the room, they could only pray it would only take both of them. If more officers had to become involved it could lead to their friend spending the night in lock-up instead of in the waiting room waiting for news about Kate.

"Now?" Ryan asked as he took position at the door, both men looked in again as the final chair went flying across the room.

Esposito met his partner's look and nodded, "NOW!"

Ryan pulled the door open, Esposito rushing forward before the author could get his hands on anything else in the room. The detective tackled Rick from behind, sending them both into the wall. Esposito wasn't prepared for the violent reaction as Rick came around swinging, in his raged haze he didn't even realize who had a hold of him. Javier jerked back, the impact of Rick's arm to his face stunned him as he saw Ryan reach them, grabbing the writer's other arm before he could take another swing. "CASTLE! MAN IT'S US!" Ryan shouted as the man in their grip continued to fight.

Rick managed to get a little leverage from the wall and lunged backwards, driving himself and the two detectives into the counter that lined one wall, but neither released their hold as Esposito finally gained some ground, reaching up and getting his arm around Rick's neck from behind, his voice growling into the author's ear, "DAMN IT CASTLE, STOP!" Ryan continued to try and keep Rick's arms from coming up and hitting him or Esposito again. When the writer didn't react Javier nodded at Ryan as they both pushed forward to throw Rick of balance, when the taller man stumbled the two officers were able to pull him to the ground.

Esposito was on the floor behind him, still holding him in a choke hold as Ryan got in front keeping his arms pinned down. From his vantage point Kevin was able to get his first good look at his friend and he was shocked at what he saw. For the first time he could ever remember Rick's face was contorted in rage, his eye's void of any emotion even as tears spilled down his cheeks. Their friend continued to struggle so Ryan got within inches of his face, "RICK!" Ryan believed it was the first time he had ever used Castle's first name and by the immediate reaction to the unfamiliar word coming from the familiar voice, it finally broke through the angered haze that had engulfed Rick's mind.

Esposito wasn't expecting the instant response to his partner shouting Rick's name in his face, but in that moment the writer's body stilled in his grip. Kevin watched as the rage disappeared, followed by confusion. "Let's get him up some." Ryan helped Javier to set up, pulling the writer up with them, as they leaned back against the counter. Esposito was reluctant to release his friend until they knew for sure he had calmed down. Kevin turned his attention to the now still, quiet man before him, "Castle, can you hear me?"

"Ryan?" Rick whispered as confusion stayed in place a moment, then Kevin watched the man before him literally crumble, "Oh God, Kate…" Rick mumbled as sobs replaced the rage that had been there only moments before.

Both detectives looked at one another as they watched and felt Castle completely lose it in their arms. Rick's body shook as emotions consumed him, the man's strength giving out as he sagged in Javier's grip, the officer's hold being the only thing keeping Rick from laying on the floor of the shattered vending machine room. "Get Lanie in here." Javier said quietly, worried that Rick was possibly going into shock.

Ryan quickly made his way toward the door, "Lanie, we need you in here a minute." he spoke quietly as he made his way down the hall toward everyone else.

"Where's my dad? What's wrong?" Alexis pleaded.

Kevin looked at Lanie, then at Rick's daughter, "Just give us a couple minutes, I know this is tough, but we just need to make sure he's okay. I don't think he'd want you to see him like this."

Ryan looked up to meet Martha's worried gaze, she seemed to understand what was going on with her son without the detective going into detail. Nodding the younger man turned to head back down the hallway Lanie just making her way through the doorway. He stopped a second next to Jenni, leaning in close to not to further worry Alexis, "Jenni, could you go and see if you could get a doctor to come down here?" Her concerned gaze met his; she'd met Rick a few times and liked him, so the worry in her fiancés face told her just how bad things had gotten. Giving his hand a quick squeeze she headed down the hallway as Ryan made his way back to the room.

Lanie'd worked with the boys long enough to recognize most of their expressions and the one Kevin wore as he approached them scared her nearly as much as realizing her best friend had been shot. They heard the sounds of the rampage from their place in the hallway, she'd helped hold Castle's daughter as she struggled to get free and get to her father. They'd heard both Kevin's and Javier's raised voices trying to get through to the writer, but it was the quiet that followed that worried them most, Ryan's appearance only accentuated the concern they all had for Rick.

However the scene that greeted her as she stepped through the doorway shocked even her. She'd been to many crime scenes, saw destruction on an unimaginable scale, but when she stepped into that room she was absolutely shocked that the man that was responsible was their mild-mannered writer-boy. Stepping further in, she heard the noise before she ever saw them and her heart started to break at the desperate sound that was coming from the man in Esposito's arms. Never had Lanie ever imaged she would see the larger than life Richard Castle so broken, she could tell by the way Javier held him, that the detective was the only thing keeping Rick from being sprawled in the floor.

Tears sprang to Lanie's eyes as she stepped closer, kneeling down in front of the men. Javier's voice brought her attention to him, "I think he's starting to hyperventilate, if we can't calm him down he's gonna pass out." Esposito spoke softly as Lanie finally noticed Rick's hitched breathing.

Pushing her emotions to the side Lanie switched into doctor mode as she reached out toward Rick's wrist to check how fast his pulse was, she was shocked it was as rapid as it was. She and Esposito looked toward the door as it opened and Ryan entered, "I've got Jenni getting a doctor." He came and knelt next to them glancing at Lanie, "No offense."

Lanie gave him a weak smile then focused back on Rick; she reached up and took his face in her hands, "Castle, look at me." She spoke softly, but sternly. The devastation she saw in his eye's nearly took her own breath, God why had it taken them so long to realize how they felt about each other, not that it would have or could have changed what was happening, but at least then all this emotion would have been out in the open instead of the man before her collapsing under the weight of it. "Castle…" she spoke again, "Rick, I need to you to calm down, you need to slow you're breathing down."

Rick's pleading blue-eye's met Lanie's dark ones as his breathing continued to come out in gasps. For a moment the M.E. thought she saw recognition in his broken gaze, but in that moment his breathing became hick-upped and she could only watch as eyes rolled back and Rick went limp in Esposito's arms. "Shit…" Javier mumbled as he and Ryan worked to get their friend laid on his back, Lanie reaching forward to check his pulse, tilting his head back to help with breathing. Thankfully the pulse was still rapid but strong and his breathing almost immediately started to even out since he was no longer fighting it.

"What the…?" All three of them looked up at the sound of the new voice as a doctor and nurse entered the room.

"We'll take care of it, but we need you over here." Ryan spoke as he stood, the doctor relaxing some as he took in the younger man's uniform.

The doctor quickly made his way across the room as Esposito moved back allowing the doctor access to Rick, "What happened?"

Without giving much detail, knowing the destruction to the room would have to be dealt with sooner or later Javier told the doctor what he knew for sure. "He was upset and started to hyperventilate, we couldn't get him to calm down and he passed out."

The doctor took the stethoscope from around his neck and placed it to Rick's chest, "His heart beat is still rapid, but it should start slowing down soon." He glanced at the nurse, "Karen could you get me a blood-pressure cuff and tell Mike we might need a gurney. I'm going to try and get him to come around, but we'll need to move him if he doesn't." The nurse made her way out of the room as the doctor reached into his pocket and pulled out one of the small ammonia packets that they sometimes used to when a person passed out.

The doctor broke the small packet and moved it toward Rick's face, "What's his name?" the doctor asked the trio across from him.

"Castle… Rick Castle." Ryan answered as they all watched the writer react to the smell under his nose.

Rick's immediate reaction was to jump slightly and try and pull away, but hands on both his shoulders kept him in place, "Mr. Castle, Can you hear me?" the doctor asked as the man before him slowly blinked his eye's open. Again it was confusion in his eye's as he looked from the unfamiliar doctor to the familiar faces of his friends.

It was Lanie that leaned toward him to speak; she'd stayed kneeling by his side, "Rick?" She automatically reached up, placing a comforting hand on his head.

"Lanie?" The writer mumbled, a sigh of relief and a slight smile crossed the woman's face as she glanced up at Javier and Kevin before turning her attention back to the man lying before her.

"I outta smack you for scaring us like that." She spoke softly, the usual clip-tone absent from the M.E.'s normal response.

Taking a deep-breath, Rick closed his eye's a second, trying to remember what had happened. It that moment Lanie felt him tense against her touch as his eyes snapped open meeting hers, "Kate?" the broken sound was back as his voice cracked.

"They're taking care of her, but you need to stay calm. You got upset and passed out on us, though I have to say next time we need to make sure anything within reach is bolted down." She smiled slightly again as she tried to keep him calm, and her only way of doing that was to slip into the normal snips she liked to take at him.

They all turned as the door opened again, the nurse and male orderly entered, the nurse handing the doctor the requested item. "Mr. Castle, I'm going to take your blood-pressure, then we'll try and sit you up." The doctor spoke as he worked, "You're going to be a little dizzy for a few minutes until all your vitals level out, but you should be okay with some fluids and rest."

"Like we're gonna get any rest anytime soon." Javier mumbled earning a stern glance from Lanie.

She knew this was rough on all of them, but right now Castle needed them and later they knew Kate would need them as well and for Lanie the only thing keeping her from falling apart herself was the broken man before her as she watched the doctor remove the blood-pressure cuff. "It's a little high, but under the circumstances. We'll give him a few minutes as his body continues to calm down and I'll check it again. Mr. Castle, we're going to set you up now, let us do the work and once you're up we'll give you a few minutes before we try and get you on your feet, okay?"

Lanie moved back as the male orderly came around and with a nod from Rick, the doctor and orderly slowly sat him up and helped him lean against the bank of cabinets. "You doing okay?" the doctor asked as Rick brought his hand up to the side of his head.

"Damn it…" Again it was Javier's mumbled curse and quick movement that drew Lanie's and Ryan's attention as he quickly made his way to the small sink in the room, pulling down a handful of paper towels, wetting them. Once he returned and knelt next to Castle it clicked in Lanie's mind what Esposito was doing.

She quickly knelt on the other side, next to the doctor as Javier passed her a few paper towels; each of them taking one of Rick's shaking hands in theirs, working to remove the dried red stain that he was now staring at, his breathing starting to pick up again. Lanie spoke softly as she glanced up toward the writer's pale face, "Just close your eye's a minute Castle, focus on breathing and we'll take care of this. I'm sure it's taking all you mother's effort to keep that daughter of yours out of this room, she really worried about you, so you try to stay calm and we'll get her in her, okay?"

Rick had tilted his head back and closed his eye's tight, any other time he might feel ashamed, embarrassed even that he was allowing his friends to see his like this, that they were actually having to clean blood off his hands because he couldn't at the moment. But another part of his mind could care less, it was the part that had fallen on the ground with Kate and wouldn't surface again until she was okay, when he could take her hand in his and stop them from shaking.

Rick sat there, his eye's closed as he felt his friends finish and the doctor place the cuff around his arm again. It was a quiet, fear-filled voice that pulled him from the darkness his mind was begging to slip into, "Daddy?"

Raising his head and opening his eye's his gaze fell onto the one person he loved more than anything, it was for that face only that he mustered the shadow of his usual smile; raising his arm toward his daughter as he spoke softly, "Hey Pumpkin."

At that Alexis slipped from her grandmother's grip and quickly made her way to her father's arms, her mumbled voice filtered to his ears as she pressed herself to him, "God, dad I was so scared, I didn't know what was happening and they wouldn't let me in…" Her voice faded as she cried against him.

"Shhh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry…I wasn't thinking, I'm sorry." He held his daughter tight to him, guilt washing over him as he was realizing the worry he'd caused everyone when they should have been focused on Kate.

The doctor's voice pulled Rick's attention form his daughter, "Mr. Castle, we're going to try and get you on your feet now, again let us do the work and let me know if you feel dizzy or light headed okay?"

"Yeah, alright." Rick said as Alexis moved back and stood, watching her father closely.

Alexis and Martha watched as the doctor and orderly pulled Rick up to his feet, keeping him leaning against the counter for added support. Lanie had moved back toward the door with Esposito and Ryan.

Again Rick closed his eyes upon standing, his hand coming to his face. "Dad?" Alexis's voice filtered through.

"I'm okay, just give me a second." His voice just barely a whisper.

"How are you feeling?" the doctor asked as he touched the writer's arm.

"A little dizzy but its passing." Blinking his eye's open slowly, he tried to smile at his daughter, needing to get the fearful expression off her face. She stepped up to him again wrapping her arms around him.

"Richard?" It was the first Martha had spoken since entering the room, first taking in the shock of the destruction then seeing the pale form of her son leaning against the counter with a doctor at his side.

His eye's met his mothers as she stepped closer, reaching her hand up to his face, "Oh, Richard." she whispered as he leaned into her touch, his hand coming up to hold hers against his face.

"I'm sorry mother…" He started but Martha quickly shushed him.

"We'll get through this. She'll get through this; you have to believe that, do you hear me?" Martha's voice was comforting and stern at the same time, much as it had been that night in the loft when Rick had returned home from his fight with Kate, just as it had been anytime his feeling for Kate affected his mood.

"Okay." He whispered as a slight, watery smile met her comforting one. Taking a deep breath he seemed to take in the room around him for the first time, "What did I do?" he mumbled.

Martha spoke up, "Don't you worry about it, I'll call Paula and have her get in touch with the hospital administrator."

Nodding slightly he reached up to rub his head again, "Mr. Castle?" for a moment Rick had forgotten the doctor was still a few feet from him.

"I just think I need to sit down a bit." Rick answered.

"You really need to try and take it easy and rest. You need to drink something, orange juicer preferably and if any of your symptoms worsen let someone know. I'll be back later to see how you're doing. I understand you all are with the officer that was brought in?" The physician asked.

Rick could only nod as he slowly pushed himself from the counter, Alexis wrapping her arm around her father's back to offer support. Slowly making their way to the door, Martha touched her son's shoulder as she fell in beside him.

Stopping as he came to Ryan, Esposito and Lanie, Rick looked at them, "I'm sorry guys, I just…" His voice chocked slightly.

"Look man, you don't have to explain anything." Esposito answered as the other two nodded, "Let's go see if there's any word yet."

"Yea, Jenni took Mr. Beckett back to the waiting area." Ryan said as he held the door open, Lanie going out first, followed by Rick and his family, Javier and Kevin coming up behind just incase their friend wavered and needed their help. In the hallway a nurse handed Martha a small container of orange juice as the group made their way back down the hallway.

Once reaching the waiting room, Rick saw Jim stand from his chair. Stepping from his daughter's arms the writer stopped in front of the father. "I'm sorry about all this, I'm sorry for not being fast enough to protect her…" Jim started to interrupt but Rick put his hand up, stopping him. "I promised you I'd try and protect her, I promised Roy, but more importantly I told her I'd always have her back and today I was too slow. I wish it had been me instead of her…" Rick paused a moment, he knew what he was about to say wouldn't come as a shock to any of those standing around him. Even the man before him, whom he'd only met once before today had somehow known how Rick felt about his daughter, actually calling him on it in the loft just a few short nights ago. "You were right that night, I love your daughter and though I was too slow to stop what happened today, I promise you this, I will do everything within my power to get her through this. I don't want you to lose another person you love and I'm not ready to lose someone I love." Rick finished watching Jim's face for his reaction to what he'd said.

Tears again welled in the older man's eyes, the memories of losing his wife all those years ago playing along side the memory from just a short time ago of his daughter falling to the ground, blood covering her. Jim looked at Rick intently, "I know she probably hasn't told you, I know how my Katie can be when she's scared, but she loves you too Rick and I know she wouldn't be able to recover from this without you by her side. You just make sure you do take care of my little girl when this is all over, she's all I have left." Jim's voice broke, this time Rick stepped forward and gave Kate's father a comforting hug as a new voice broke the silence of the room.

"Family of Katherine Beckett."


	2. Chapter 2

Broken  
Chapter 2  
Disclaimer: See chapter one

_A/N: This was intended to be a one-shot. But many of you requested that I should continue via alerts and reviews, some of you very commanding that I should continue (yes I'm talking to you I'm Widget ;) ) So this is an attempt on that request. There may be a third chapter-I'm toying with that idea, but we'll see. I hope this one is as well received as my first chapter, I wanted to write it a little different so I guess I'll see if it worked. Thanks again, you guys are always an amazing group of readers and I really appreciate that! Hope you enjoy-Montez_

His hands were shaking. The first time she could ever remember his hands shaking was that night in the warehouse. They had tracked her stalker to an abandoned building, but the FBI had entered the wrong one. Though their suspect had set everything up to look as if they were headed into the right building, they weren't, they were being led to a trap. It was Rick that pointed it out, it was Rick who had said if he was writing the story the suspect would be in the building across the street, watching. So it was with no other back-up that they entered the warehouse he would have chosen. As events unfolded Kate ultimately found herself sprawled on the floor staring down the barrel of her own gun. However it was a sudden yell and the report of gunfire that knocked the suspect's gun from his hand that gave her the upper hand on her stalker as she finally took him into custody. It was then, when she'd approached Rick that she saw his hands shaking. She reached out slowly and placed her steady hand over his, them stilling almost immediately as she removed the firearm from them.

The last time she'd seen his hands shaking was as she rounded the back of the van only to come face to face with the dirty bomb every cop in the city was searching for, the counter with less than two minutes. She could remember the panic that welled insider her and the fear she'd seen in his eyes. She remembered seeing his hands shaking as he was frantic for something to do to help, to stop the inevitable. This had been the third time in two days they had faced death together and when she met his gaze as they were told help wasn't arriving in time, so much passed between them without words.

In that instant she'd seen the man she'd wanted in her life, the one who would be there for her and her for him. In that moment she'd found her one and done, the man she'd been denying all this time was now the one standing side by side with her, facing certain death for the third and final time. In the second he reached out and took her hand, she felt his shaking stop; it was as if her touch alone was the only thing that could still the motion. One more wordless 'Always' passed between them as she watched his other hand shoot out and yank all the wires from the device, the counter freezing on zero, in that moment he'd saved them both.

But now, it was again his shaking hands that she noticed first as she approached him. The second thing she noticed was that his hands were covered in something red. It was a red she'd see far too many times in her life; it was the color of loss, the color of death. It was a red that there were no words for, though many, like the man before her, had tried. But she knew once seeing it in person, feeling it on your hands, there was no way anyone could accurately describe the color other than red.

She looked at his face, the devastation heartbreaking. Then she followed his hollow gaze as it came to rest on the body at the center of so much activity. When Kate Beckett caught sight of the still form on the ground she was stunned for a moment, it was her face she was watching, her body people were feverishly working to stabilize, to save. It was once she looked back at Rick, focusing on his hands, then turning back to see herself being lifted onto a stretcher that she realized the indescribable red that was on his hands was her blood.

For a moment she was scared and confused, was she dead? She watched the flurry of activity as her body was carried to the waiting ambulance, Rick numbly being lead to it by Esposito who shouted that Rick was going with her. She watched as he climbed into the back as the doors were slammed shut and the rig speed from the cemetery, sirens wailing. It was in that moment she realized she wasn't dead; they don't use sirens for someone who's dead. It was as she watched its retreat that her world faded to a misty grey.

She stood and watched as her body was rushed through automatic doors, then through another set of silver ones. She watched as Rick was stopped from following her by a nurse, who then led him to a chair in a small enclave. Kate listened as the woman said someone would be out as soon as they could before she too retreated through the doors.

Stepping next to Rick Kate again saw his red-covered hands shaking. "Oh Rick…" She whispered, tears slipping down her face as she sat beside him, tentatively reaching out, desperate to stop the movement, only to discover her touch couldn't be felt by him. That this time she was unable to bring him that calm, to stop his shaking and it broke her heart.

Several agonizing minutes passed as she watched Rick's hands continue to shake before the sound of people rushing down the hall caused her to turn and stand. The first to reach the broken man before her was possibly the only person that could help him at that moment. Kate watched Alexis reached her father first, her arms coming to encircle his shoulders. She watched Rick stand and pulled his daughter into his arms, but she noticed his hands continued to shake.

Kate saw Rick close his eyes a moment, burying his head atop his daughters, desperate to find comfort. She watched Martha step forward to place a steady hand against her son's face, Kate's heart aching as she saw him lean into the touch, but his hands never stilled.

Javier's voice called out, Kate turned to see Lanie's hand held tight in his, Ryan and Jenni right behind. Kate looked back at Rick when Esposito asked him about her and for the first time since she'd known Richard Castle, he was unable to speak, a shaking of his head the only indication he'd even heard the question. Then Kate's attention was drawn to the man who approached and stopped right in front of Rick, her eyes taking in the unimaginable pain-filled face of her father.

Kate saw Rick tense and Alexis step back into her grandmother's arm as Jim Beckett reached forward and pull Rick into a hard embrace. Kate wasn't sure what to think watching the two men she cared so much about, that she loved. As far as Kate knew her father had never met Rick, yes she'd told him all about the writer when he'd started shadowing her. She'd told her father how much the hyperactive man-child would get on her last nerve. Her father would smile as she would rant about the latest antics of Rick Castle. But over the last year or so those rants ceased and she had found herself telling her father of all the times Rick had been there for her, the little things he'd do for her. She could remember times when her father would ask about her current boyfriend, but Kate would inevitably bring the conversation back to Rick and her father would only smile.

It was a whispered 'Thank you' that drew Kate from her memories of talking to her father about Rick. Kate saw confusion on the writers face as her father's voice continued, "You were there for her, you were with her so she wasn't alone, you stayed beside her." Her father's words echoed exactly the type of man Rick was, he was always there for her, she never felt alone when he was near, he was always by her side no matter what.

But as Kate watched the two men, she saw disbelief cross Rick's face before he mumbled the word "No". She saw how he looked at those before him as he continued, "I didn't…I couldn't save her." Kate couldn't believe the broken sound of his voice, usually strong and confident, now it sound so small, so lost. She watched guilt replace the confusion as he shook his head slightly and repeated "No", before he turned and made his way down the hallway. At first she was stunned, she'd never known Rick to walk away from anything, but then she remembered his hands, the devastation on his face in the cemetery, the broken sound of his voice. It was then she understood, she'd never seen him deal with something like this, she'd seen him solemn at times when he was worried or hurt, but the man retreating down the hallway was broken, he was slowly shattering into a million pieces and she couldn't do anything to stop it.

"Dad?" It was Alexis's voice that pulled her attention back to those standing in the hallway. Kate watched how Martha tried to comfort the teen, she was warmed beyond belief as she watched Rick's mother place a comforting hand on her father's shoulder. Knowing her father was taken care of for the moment Kate did what her heart was pleading for her to do, she quickly made her way down the hall that Rick had just disappeared down. She may not be able to actually, physically help him at the moment, she may not be able to stop his pain, but she was damn well going to be at his side any way she could.

When Kate rounded the corner she found Rick pacing in place, his feet moving frantically but only encompassing a couple steps in either direction. She could see his whole body shaking, not just his hands. She knew what it felt like to have an almost uncontrollable amount of energy coursing through her body, the adrenaline that would flow through as they got ready to execute a raid would sometimes make her feel as if her body would literally explode. She also knew the feeling of uncontrollable emotions overwhelming a person's senses, but now as she watched him, it was as if she was watching both those combustible energies warring inside him, she knew he was not use to handling either one.

Kate watched as Rick looked back the way he'd come, then toward the other end of the hallway. She saw as he ran his shaking hands through his disheveled hair, turning in a complete circle. His eyes finally landing on a door that he pushed his way through. In the instant the door closed she found herself inside the room with Rick, staring as he leaned against it, allowing his body to slide to the floor. It killed her to see him seemingly collapse upon himself as he pulled his legs up and buried his head on his arms.

She knelt beside him, wishing more than anything that she could comfort him at that moment. Wishing she could touch his arm, run a comforting hand through his hair, pull his shaking body into a hug, but all she could do was watch as the fissures in his heart, in his soul grew larger.

A broken sob escaped the normally larger than life man sitting alone on the floor, as Kate heard his whispered words, "Oh God, Kate…" She watched him raise his head; his eye's filled with unshed tears. In that moment she saw him raise a shaking hand toward his face only for it to stop as it came level with his eyes. To Kate it seemed that for the first time Rick was actually noticing the now dried crimson color that was on his hands and if it was possible the shaking appeared to grow worse. Looking at his face she saw an emotion she'd only ever seen a hint of. It was an emotion that had slowly bubbled to the surface that night in her apartment when his voice took on a hard tone she'd never heard him use as he answered her question 'what are we Rick?' when he was trying to convince her that her life was more important than finding her mother's killer.

It was for the first time since she'd met Rick Castle that for just a moment fear spiked through her, the intense look that had overtaken his face and his voice as he came toward her bringing up the kiss they never talked about, them nearly dying frozen in each others arms that they never talked about. When he had stopped just two feet from her, she had become acutely aware of just how much taller and larger his was than her and the anger that was hinting in his expression scared her. In that moment she did what she always did and pushed back, he was coming close to calling her on exactly how she felt about him and she couldn't allow that. Her anger at him only increased as he accused her of hiding in her mother's murder and in nowhere relationships with men she didn't love. She didn't even give him the chance when his expression changed again, his voice softening some when he told her she deserved to be happy. By then she was too far gone in trying to deny everything he'd said that she didn't even acknowledge the hurt that crossed his face when she said they were over.

Kate's thought came quickly back to Rick as he stood abruptly and started to frantically move again, she could see the anger growing in his face. She wanted to help calm him, but was powerless as she watched his expression changed to rage, his eye's going blank. In that instant she heard the most heart-wrenching, primal cry erupt from the man in front of her as he reached out and grabbed a chair and threw it across the room, shattering the front of the vending machine. Her own mind seemed to go blank a moment as she couldn't fathom what she was seeing; it was indescribable as Rick continued his rampage. Even though she knew he couldn't hurt her in the state she was in, she instinctively retreated to the corner near the door, her hands coming to cover her mouth as she felt tears stream down her face.

It seemed like an eternity, as she watched Rick literally tear the room apart, before the door was pulled open and Esposito came barreling into the room, catching Rick across the back, both men hitting the far wall. Kate felt a cry escape her own lips as she watched the writer fight against Javier, not realizing who had a hold of him. She saw Ryan rush into the room, grabbing for Rick's arms just as one connected with Esposito's head. Kate heard Ryan yell at Rick, trying to get through to him, but was shocked at the intensity at which her shadow continued to fight, getting leverage from the wall; he propelled all three of them back into the bank of counter that lined the wall.

In a flurry of motion Kate saw Javier get his arm up around Rick's neck, she knew they would never hurt their friend, but she also knew they would do what they needed to do to get him under control. She heard Esposito's hard voice yell into Rick's ear, she knew he was desperate to get through to him. When Rick continued to struggle she watched Ryan and Esposito knock the writer forward, off balance then in one fluid movement they pulled him to the floor. Rick's body didn't still until Ryan actually got in his face and yelled "RICK!". Kate was sure it was the first time Kevin had ever used Castle's first name and apparently that's what it took to finally break through the rage.

Kate took a step across the room as she heard Ryan's voice, "Let's get him up some." She saw the two detectives try and get Rick sitting up some, but Javier was reluctant to release him, she knew it was because he was just making sure Rick had actually calmed down. "Castle, can you hear me?" she again heard Kevin's calming voice.

Kate's heart ached as she saw confusion replace the rage that had been in place only moments before, "Ryan?" Rick's voice choked out before Kate watched his expression crumble completely, "oh God Kate…" barely making it across his lips as Kate saw him sag in Javier's grip, the detective being the only thing keeping him off the floor, emotions finally flooding from the broken man, uncontrollable sobs racking his body.

Kate crossed the room and dropped to the floor just inches from Rick, his body literally collapsed under the weight of his heartache, her own cries blending with his as she again tried to reach a hand out to comfort Rick, to no avail. She heard Esposito tell Ryan to get Lanie; she knew her fellow detective was becoming more concerned about Rick's emotional break as the man in his arms continued to weep.

Kate sat there so close, yet so far from being able to help her partner in his shattered state. Just as she heard Lanie enter the room Kate noticed how Rick's breathing was becoming more labored, he appeared to only be able to draw in short gasps. She could feel her own heart rate increase as she knew if Javier and Lanie couldn't get Rick calmed down he would hyperventilate. Her concern voiced by Esposito as Lanie knelt in front of the writer. Ryan quickly joined the trio and told them Jenni was getting a doctor, but Kate's sole focus was on Rick. She watched her friends desperately try and calm the upset man, but fear spiked through her when she watched his eye's roll back, his body going limp in Esposito's grasp.

As Ryan and Esposito got Rick onto his back, Lanie quickly checking basic vitals, Kate moved to where she was just above Rick's head, moving her hands in an attempt to cradle either side, "Oh God Rick, what's happening to you?" She whispered out, "Please…" Kate cried, not knowing if he could hear her, since her touch hadn't been effective, "Please Rick, I can't do this without you. I'm scared… I know this is bad, I'm going to try and fight as much as I can, but I can't do it without you, please Rick I need you to be okay, so I know I'll be okay." She felt tears stream down her face, she knew the man before her cared about her. She could remember the words he whispered to her just before her world went dark; they were words she'd wanted to hear for so long. She had felt the emotion with ever 'Always' he spoke, could see it in his eyes, but to hear those three words. Kate bent down low, closer to Rick's closed eyes, she'd seen the doctor approach, she prayed that they would be able to help Rick. Just before the doctor attempted to wake the unconscious man, Kate placed her lips next to his ear, again silently praying he could hear her, "I love you too Rick, I love you too."

In the moment the doctor placed the little ammonia packet under the writer's nose, Kate saw his eye's scrunch; she smiled as she knew he was coming back to her. Her smile grew wider as she heard him barely whisper "Kate". Her heart giving a flutter as he opened his eyes and they connected with hers and in that moment she saw recognition in those piercing-blue eyes before her world faded around her.


	3. Chapter 3

Broken  
Chapter 3  
Disclaimer: See chapter one

_A/N: Well this is it, the third and final chapter. I did not want to speculate any further into what may or may not happen in season four. My sole focus of this story was to cover the first few hours at the hospital. I knew that was where the most emotion would be for Castle. My belief is he is just as afraid of his feeling for Kate as she is for hers toward him. Love and fear make people act out of character at times and though Rick may seem out of character somewhat, I believe that his reactions in my story are plausible. I want to take a minute to thank everyone who has read, alerted and reviewed this story. It was originally a one-shot, that because of you guys became a three chapter endeavor. I hope this last chapter carries the same emotion as the first two, that was my goal. Thank you all again so much, you guys are 'Extraordinary'.-Montez_

His hands were shaking. It had been twelve hours since his world had stopped turning, since time shattered its forward motion in his mind and his hands had started trembling. Twelve hours since they had started their constant motion, sometimes more noticeable than other, but always in his mind they were still covered in that indescribably red; the color of life, the color of death.

Twelve hours ago the almost indiscernible sound of a high-powered sniper rifle with a silencer had all but stole his world away from him. His mind played that moment over and over. Her voice had been so clear, unwavering, but he knew her well enough to know it was taking all she had to stand in front of those people and speak of a man who had meant so much to her, who, in the end, sacrificed himself in an attempt to right a wrong begun so many years ago, so save her. Little did anyone suspect how futile that sacrifice would turn out to be.

Jim Beckett had all but begged Rick to try and get his daughter to see reason, to not throw her life away in pursuit of her mother's killer. It wasn't an argument that Rick wasn't already trying for form within himself, however her father's visit had finally pulled all his scattered thoughts together. But that night in her apartment his words fell on terrified deaf ears, not that Kate Beckett would ever admit to being terrified, but Rick knew her well enough to see it, just beneath the surface. But true to form Kate had pushed his concerns aside, reminding him it was her mother's case, as if he needed to be reminded. He'd lived with the constant guilt of that fateful day in which he had convinced Esposito to show him Johanna Beckett's murder file.

Rick never believed the hell that would rain down on the one person he had wanted to bring peace to. Since that day it was as if the wound that had been scabbed over for so long had been ripped wide open and had continued to fester, all because of his arrogance in thinking he could fix anything with just his wit and charm. With every answer there had came more questions, questions that became harder and harder to answer. Questions that didn't bring the peace he had so wanted for Kate, but only more pain.

The argument that night went from him trying to convince Kate that she wasn't going to win this, that Lockwood would kill her, to what their relationship meant. He had tried to keep his feelings out of it, tried to get her to see reason, that there were so many people in her life that loved her, without coming out and saying it himself. In the heat of the moment it had been her that fired the blind shot across his bow, wanting to know what about him. Never in a million years did he think the table would be flipped. He saw something in her eyes as she asked that question, there was a pleading that almost, almost shattered his resolve to not let his own feeling lead the way. In that moment he let anger rise inside him, anger at all that they had shared, all that they had been through and now, when he was trying to convince her that her life was more important than finding her mother's killer, she had questioned what he felt about her.

In that moment he had brought up the kiss, the freezer, he told her he knew she was hiding in her mother's case because she was scared, just like she hid in relationships that she knew would go nowhere. He had told her she deserved to be happy, he wanted so much for her to see that all he wanted for her was for her to be happy, that _'he' _wanted to make her happy. But it was in her next breath that she tore the rug out from under him, telling him they were over. The moment those words registered in his brain he found himself in a free-fall. His world started spinning out of control, he knew the minute he walked out her door that he was going to lose her and there wasn't a damn thing he could do to stop it.

Then Roy's phone call had come. The police captain hadn't told him anything other than he needed to come to the hanger, that he was the only one left that could save Kate. Rick had stayed in the shadows, just as Roy had asked him to. His heart had nearly stopped when Kate arrived and he saw Montgomery pull out a gun, but as he heard the words the Captain was saying, he started making his way closer. Rick knew he needed to be near Kate, he didn't know exactly what was going to happen, but knew he had to be close. When it was revealed that Kate was there to trap Lockwood it all came together as to why he'd been called. Roy had told him before, Jim had told him, that he was the only one that could save Kate from this and in the moment Roy told him to get Kate out of there, in the moment the headlights of the approaching car drew closer, Rick knew that he would do whatever it took to save Kate. He could remember the feel of her body as he wrapped his arms around her, using his height to his advantage as he lifted her off the ground and carried her, literally kicking and screaming from that hanger. He could remember the feeling of her nearly collapsing against him when he lowered her to the ground once they neared the car, her cries terrifying him as he pushed her against the vehicle, placing his hand over her mouth to stop the anguished sounds, fearful that any moment they would be found out. He purposely placed his body against hers; doing the only thing he could think of to shield her from the doorway of the hanger, praying that if Lockwood made it past Roy that his own body would offer Kate protection from the hired killer's bullets.

But those bullets never came, with the final shot from within the hanger everything stopped. Kate's struggling had stopped, Rick had stopped trying to quiet her, shield her, for a fraction of a second the world was quiet, but then Kate broke away from him. When she slipped from his grasp and ran back toward the hanger all he could do was stand there. Because of him it had all come to this, lies had stayed hidden until he started looking. Lives had been lived, but now too many had been lost.

The time between the hanger and the morning of the funeral was literally a blur in time to him. He and Kate hadn't spoken, even after the meeting with her, Ryan and Esposito; she had walked him to her door and without a word asked him to leave. It was Roy's wife that called him, to ask him to be a pallbearer. She also mentioned that Kate was going to speak and Rick knew, even if it was the last time he would see Kate, he was going to be there for her, he was going to stand by her side, just like always.

The sky had seemed unnaturally bright when they arrived at the cemetery; his dark glasses seemed to do little to shade his eyes from the brightness. Rick walked with Kate, Ryan, Esposito and two other officers from the twelfth as they carried Roy to his finally resting place. He glanced at Roy's widow, his children as he walked past, removing the dark lenses. Rick watched as the flag atop the coffin was folded and presented, in that moment he couldn't help but to be grateful to Roy for his sacrifice, for saving Kate. They all thought once Lockwood was dead, the threat would be over. They had no other leads, no other avenues to pursue.

When Kate approached the podium, Rick followed her, just as he always did, stopping a few feet from her. Their eye's never met, but he could tell from her posture, she knew he was there. Her voice rang out clear, confident. He watched her with the same admiration that he always did, he had told he not so long ago just how extraordinary she was and just a few short weeks ago how amazed he was of her strength, of her heart and at that moment in time, as he listened to her words and saw her turn and look at him, he knew he would never love another woman as much as he loved Kate.

Then in the next instant his world stopped turning. It was a flash of light; his mind desperately trying to work out what he'd seen when he saw it again. In that horrifying second when everything snapped together, all the pieces clicking in place and he realized what he was seeing, his mind, his body, his voice shifted into overdrive, but as that almost indiscernible sound reached his ears, he knew he was too late and that failure had plagued his mind and racked his body ever since.

Twelve hours ago the shaking began, ten hours ago the ER doctor had walked into the waiting room, six hours ago Detective Kate Beckett came out of surgery and now Jim Beckett and Richard Castle stood outside the doors of the ICU, looking in at the pale, still face of the woman they both loved.

When the surgeon had entered the private waiting room the hospital sat aside for Kate's family and friends, everyone seemed to be literally holding their breath. It was the doctor's words that allowed the people in that room to breathe again. Kate had survived the surgery and with time, should make a full recovery.

Rick had collapsed back into the chair he'd taken up residence in once arriving in the room. He listened as the surgeon spoke with Jim about his daughter, the bullet that had entered Kate's body had not done nearly as much damage as they had feared. It had not hit her heart as was feared in the beginning, but had somehow hit to the left by just centimeters, miraculously deflecting off one of her ribs, braking it. The bullet then exited her body on the left side, just under her arm, missing her lung as well. It had, however, caused extensive bleeding which had taken them time to repair, but they had found all the bleeders, used a small bracket to hold her rib together so it wouldn't slip and damage her lung and were working on replacing the blood she had lost.

She was in recovery for several hours so she could be monitored closely, but before she was moved to the ICU they had been able to take her off the ventilator they'd used during surgery. So the view Rick and her father now had was an unobstructed view. "You can go in now." The quiet voice of a nurse drew their attention.

"Thank you." Jim answered as he stepped to the door, turning when he didn't feel Rick moving with him. "Rick?"

Jim watched the man before him; he'd seen him crumble under the guilt of what had happened. Lanie had explained to him what had happened inside that small room all those hours ago. He had known the moment he had met Rick that night at his apartment that the man his daughter had talked so much about loved his daughter. Jim could see it in his eyes, in the way he spoke about Kate. He had heard it from Kate herself, though his daughter had seemed blind to just how much Richard Castle cared for her.

Rick's eyes never left Kate, "I…I can't." The writer's guilt filled eyes looked at Kate's father.

Jim stepped back to him, "She's going to be okay Rick."

"I should have protected her better, she pushed me away and I was hesitant…I didn't realize what I was seeing fast enough…" Rick again turned back to the window.

Something in Jim snapped, he had watched this man beat himself up for hours, but Jim knew his daughter needed this man by her side if she was going to get through this and he needed Rick to see it. "Damn it Rick you are as thick as Katie says you are aren't you?"

Rick was stunned by Jim's words. Turning he actually saw the man chuckle slightly, "What?"

"It is because of you she is laying in there…" Jim saw the guilt and hurt flash in Rick's eyes as he said those words, so he hurried to continue. "and not in the morgue." Now it was confusion Jim saw in Rick's face, "How much of what the doctor said did you actually here?"

"What? I don't…once he said she would survive, I don't really remember…what? Why?" For the first time since the surgeon came into the room, Rick realized that once he zoned out again, something important must have been said.

"Did you hear how the bullet missed her heart?" Jim asked then watched Rick nod. "What about how her rib deflected the bullet, causing it to exit out her side, just under her arm?"

Rick continued to nod, "I heard that…was there something else?"

"Did you hear the doctor's explanation as to why he believed that happened?" Jim saw Rick's brow wrinkle in concentration before the younger man shook his head.

"It's the doctor's theory that she was turning, that in the moment that bullet hit her, she had moved slightly, causing it to miss her heart and somehow follow her ribcage around and out. Do you which direction she was turning?" Jim knew if the man before him was really thinking, that the question would have gotten an automatic response, but when Rick hesitated Jim finished. "She was turning toward you."

"What?" Rick's mind tried desperately to pull up the memory before his shaking, blood covered hands. Going back to the fraction of a second before the bullet reached Kate, before he reached Kate, to the moment he called out her name and started moving. Jim watched the preverbal light go off over Rick's head. "She heard me?" Rick had moved and called her name at the same time and in that second she had reacted to his voice and turned toward him.

Jim nodded his head, "It's the doctor's theory that when Katie turned just that little bit before she was hit, that that is what saved her life Rick. If you hadn't been standing where you were, by her side just like she tells me you always are, then you wouldn't have seen that reflection, you wouldn't have reacted and called out to her, she wouldn't have turned and I wouldn't be getting to see my daughter in the ICU, I would be seeing her in the morgue."

Jim Beckett watched, as for the first time since they had arrived at the hospital, light return to Rick's eyes. They weren't dimmed by grief and guilt, but brightened by hope. "Now I want to see my daughter and I know she's going to want to see you when she wakes up, so let's go in there and convince her it's time to wake up." Jim felt himself smile slightly for the first time since this all began and he saw Rick's mouth curve upward as well. Together both men walked through the door.

Two hours later Rick found himself in Kate's room by himself. Lanie and Martha had convinced Jim to get something to eat. Alexis had pleaded with her father to come with them, but he refused, he did promise his daughter that he would eat whatever she brought him back. He could see that his breakdown and collapse had scared his daughter. Hell when he realized what had happened, his mother, Ryan and Esposito had filled him in on the bits and pieces he couldn't remember, most notably trashing the vending machine room and passing out, it had scared him too. Rick knew it would be a while before his daughter or mother let him out of their sight for long, but he promised his little girl that he would be okay sitting with Kate, after all their were a steady stream of nurses and doctors moving around the ICU.

Rick had been sitting in the chair beside Kate's bed, watching the rise and fall of her chest, and listening to the steady rhythm of the heart monitor. He would reach out occasionally to touch her hand, or rub her arm, but each time he would hesitate because his own hands, despite being able to see Kate, knowing she was going to be okay, would not stop shaking. However after two hours, he needed to touch her, to feel the warmth of her skin, to just have that tangible feeling that only touch could give, that she was really there.

Standing up he stepped to the side of her bed, "God, Kate you are still beautiful." Rick whispered out as he took in her still slightly pale complexion, her hair was disheveled from where they had unceremoniously taken out the loosened bun it had been in, it now laid mostly to one side. He slowly reached his hand toward the top of her head, allowing her chestnut hair to slip through his fingers, his other hand slipping under the one by her side, his fingers curling gently around hers.

He leaned in ever so slightly, his mind again flashing back to the last time he'd been this close, he was so sure she had been slipping away from him. "I meant what I said to you…I love you Kate…I don't know exactly when it happened or how it happened, but I know I love you…" For a moment his mind filled with an image of Kate leaning over him, her green eye's sparkling in recognition as he could swear he heard her voice whisper in his ear, _"I love you too Rick, I love you too." _

Rick's thoughts were brought back to the woman before him as he felt movement on his hand. He quickly looked down and saw her smaller hand close ever so slightly around his, "Kate?" He looked back up at her face to see those beautiful green-eyes looking back at him. "Oh God Kate…can you hear me? Are you really awake?"

The grip on his hand became stronger as her eye's blinked slowly, a faint smile pulling at the corner of her mouth, "Rick?' She whispered, but it was the sweetest sound he had ever heard.

"Yeah, hey…I'm right here." He choked, tears filling his eye's as she turned her head slightly toward him, his thumb coming to rest on her forehead as he started moving it in a soothing motion, "Just take it easy, you're gonna be okay…God I was so afraid I lost you."

"'fraid…I lost…you too." Kate whispered as she struggled to keep her eyes open.

"I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere." Tears slipped from his eyes; taking a deep breath he repeated what he had told her all those hours ago, just before she had slipped away from him, "Kate, I love you." He was in with both feet now, he didn't care if she loved him back, he just needed her to know that he loved her.

He felt her squeeze his hand again, her eye's reopening to meet his, the most beautiful smile he had ever seen crossed her face as her voice whispered just before sleep reclaimed her, "I love you too."

In that instant his world was righted again, time began moving forward, the pieces of his shattered soul were finally finding their way back together. Rick leaned down and kissed her forehead, then looking down at her hand curled around his, he realized his own hand had finally stopped shaking.


End file.
